The theme of this post has a lot of relevance for me right now. As events in your life pop up, you might be like me and allow that inner voice to run ramped on the glass-half-full/half-empty train. Those voices can flip back and forth by the minute, and that can be OK because it means you have a stake in the game. I’m going through a game with possibilities that could impact my career and personal trajectories. My whole-life balance has the potential to shift, and while not in the wrong way, the anticipation of waiting for the unknown makes my inner voice go off the rails. As a result of going through this as I write this post, I wanted to share a few scenarios that trigger my inner voice and what has helped squash or mute my internal dialogue with myself.
Scenario #1 – Year-end Reviews
Year-end reviews are all about feedback. If you are not used to the double whammy of you having to talk about your accomplishments and receiving feedback simultaneously, it can be hard not to have the inner voice rear its ugly head. So let me share my experience.
Why does the inner voice trigger?
While receiving feedback, while I get it often, there is some internal trigger (thank you to a past event with a past leader) that my inner voice only calms down at the end of the review.
What do I do to prepare?
- I seek feedback throughout the year to tweak my approach, attitude, and outcomes.
- I enlist my self-awareness muscles to bring forward my self-assessment.
- I gather a few nuggets of feedback on my own that helps regulate my inner voice.
- I meditate when possible before my review.
- I block my calendar for 15-30 minutes before and after to meet to prepare and do a post-review decompression and solidify my takeaways.
Scenario #2 – Recruitment Process
No matter how many interviews you have attended over your career, your inner voice, like mine, still peaks its head when you are least expecting. Planning can go a long way in settling your inner voice to allow you to be extraordinary in your interview(s).
Why does the inner voice trigger? I’ve worked in eight industries throughout my career and had no inner voice while applying, or honestly, most of the interviews. The inner voice is thunderous when I wait to hear if I succeeded. As a firm believer that things happen for a reason, I can silence the inner voice quickly if not selected, but the waiting makes my inner voice go big on the wild side. I applied for an internal position before my current company. It is easier to silence my inner voice with an internal role, but nope – it does not matter if it is an internal or external recruitment process; it’s the same results.
What do I do to prepare?
- Try to be a glass-half-full positive
- Focus on positive thinking with an “I did my best” attitude
- Continue to grow in my existing role
- Double down on reading (now writing) as it brings out some great, very personal experiences I can share
- Seek a little bit of reassurance from my tribe (Your Board of Directors)
Do all these suggestions work? Sometimes. I’m human and mentally invested in J.M. Barrie’s quote, “What is meant to be, will be.” When not selected for a role, I could silence my inner voice because I took it as a personal sign that I was better off not being chosen, as something else was waiting for me. I am strong enough to know it’s not a strike on my capabilities; it was just not the right fit.
Scenario #3 – Events (Conferences, training, my MBA)
Unless you are a true extrovert, going to a conference or training program alone sounds fantastic until the day before or the actual day. But knowing how to keep moving forward and attending and not letting your inner voice ruin the experience can be tricky but doable.
Why does the inner voice trigger?
My introversion kicks into high gear along with that “I’m boring; why does anyone care what I think.” Though I don’t usually get the inner voice until I am about to walk in, the idea of walking into a room of people can sometimes put me into a bit of sweat (aka Hot Flash), making my inner voice show up! My MBA took my inner voice to a new level of craziness that did not subside until after graduation and could be a post all on its own. I fought that inner voice daily for over 18 months, and happy to say the experience helped squash that internal monologue in such profound ways.
What do I do to prepare?
- As an introvert, I find an extrovert-wing person to join me.
- I meditate and repeat in my head, “I’m capable, intelligent and have a growth mindset – this is a great day to stretch and grow – bring it on!”
- Look for one or two people with who I want to connect.
- Pick a table or group that might help me break that inner voice by engaging in great conversation and learning experiences.
Scenario 4 – New Role / New Job
What better time for an internal monologue to start in your head than when starting a new role? If an internal part is what you have successfully landed on, it is still an optional inner voice moment (or week) because it is breaking you out of your comfort zone as you are no longer as knowledgeable as others on the team. But, starting a new role in a new company can be an inner voice buffet that can take longer to silence and one you will achieve.
Why does the inner voice trigger?
You’d think getting a new role or job would not trigger my inner voice, but surprise – it does. Not only do first impressions matter, but trying to remember everyone’s name, what they do and why they are essential to your role makes the dreaded “you shouldn’t be here” impostor syndrome kick in. Everyone’s settled around you; you’re so far out of your comfort zone that it’s tough to silence that inner voice. Fast forward a few weeks, and that inner voice of mine starts to settle. However, I’ve experienced it enough times (self-imposed on all but one – which may be another post to share) that I logically know the inner voice will settle.
What do I do to prepare?
- I tell myself repeatedly that this voice is temporary.
- I reminded myself that I wanted this role, and they selected me for the value I would bring to the team.
- I tell myself they expect something other than perfect on day one or that you would immediately deliver total value.
- Mediate and exercise over lunch hours in the short (and long term) to regroup and see the small wins help silence my inner voice.
- Close off one chapter (old role/ old company) in a way that I know they will succeed when I leave, so I have no regrets.
- Journal, so I remain humble in the experience of meeting new people, working on new challenges and delivering the value they hired me for.
I’d love to finish this post by saying the inner voice stops popping its head as you gain more experience changing roles or companies. I can squash the voice quickly, but it does come back until I become more comfortable. I choose (personal experience) to force my inner voice to quiet, but it’s still there lurking in the shadows.
My Personal Support System Engagement:
- Schedule a session with my coach to discuss areas I find stressful (remember this is to help silence my inner voice).
- Reach out to one of my mentors for a pep session for my inner monologue, whether it is on a recruitment opportunity (especially if it is taking a while), a year-end review or a presentation I’m preparing.
- Find my wing person if I attend an event or training program.
- Connect with a trusted peer to talk it out (even better if we can walk it out simultaneously).
- Reach out to the family, as they (almost) always boost your confidence.
Book Recommendations
- Choose your story, change your life – Kindra Hall
- Calmfidence – Patricia Stark
- Confidence Code – Katty Kay and Claire Shipman
- 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do – Amy Morin
Blog Post Recommendations:
- They picked the wrong person – Heather Thomson
- For the Love of Networking – Penny Izlakar
While these are not all scenarios that awake my inner voice, they are the bigger ones. So, wherever your inner voice chooses to show up, I hope my examples and prep help you acknowledge and tame your inner voice to support being your best version of yourself.
Follow Penny on LinkedIn or checkout theizzyway.ca for more of her blog posts.