I am not going to sugarcoat it – when I was going through my twenties, I did not pay attention to what was going on around me. I was enthralled in my own bubble, finished university, and went straight to work, solely to save for traveling the world. I did not think twice about rooting in, widening my perspective, and observing what was surfacing in the community at those times. Believe it or not, I did not even know what mattered to me or what I stood for. If you allow it, time flies and just like that, years go by unconsciously and life happens.
The good thing was that I achieved my goal of traveling to over ten countries, lived abroad for three years, got great work experience, but at the end of it, there was still something missing. A little voice inside told me there was more than what appeared on the surface. My eyes slowly began to crack open and my mindset started to shift. It was time to come home and investigate.
How to start recognizing what matters
Some people have this already figured out and I give them accolades for “getting it”. However if you were like me, it can be easy to get lost in the hype of society; the endless hamster wheel of wanting more. This can relate to wanting the next best thing: a new purse, a nice car, more money, a better job, a different partner, or that house in your favourite neighborhood – you get the picture. Does that feeling stop when you finally attain those things? Most often, it does not.
At the end of my traveling journey, I realized there were key pieces missing to my puzzle of life and ultimately, my happiness. Dr. Gabor Maté, MD, highlights it perfectly in his latest book, “The Myth of Normal”. In addition to our basic needs, there are other needs that contribute to a more fulfilled life:
- Connection – Participating in a community, collaborating with others, supporting one another, and giving/receiving love and kindness.
- Meaning – Living and contributing in an ethical way that makes you feel good and provides value to you and others.
- Purpose – Participating in thoughts, behaviors, and actions that feel aligned and inspirational – without external pressures or influences.
- Belonging – Being a part of a group that resonates with your values, beliefs, and passions. It is common for humans to yearn for interaction with others; you are never alone.
As I reflect, I can see which needs were unfulfilled over the years. A common belief I had was that I needed to do “everything by myself”. This is where I struggled to connect with others and ask for help, which then in turn led me to become more siloed and alone. This put a tremendous amount of pressure on me and restricting collaborating with others and gaining valuable insights.
Meaning and purpose also turned up, where I have felt uninspired and encountered some toxic environments, which hindered my contributions. Belonging soon became a challenge. I didn’t feel like I belonged to anything or any place. This was the final straw and I needed to make a change (pronto!) – but how?
Fast-forward to now – almost six years later, I now know what matters to me. Below are my key learnings that continue to help me on my journey to help you on yours.
Here are six actions to kick-start your self-discovery journey. Start to embody your full expression. Try these on for size and see what works for you.
- Prioritize alone time – Even if it’s only for 10 minutes. Options are to meditate, go for a walk in nature, be alone in your home, a library, or a quiet coffee shop. The goal is to check-in with yourself in silence without any distractions. This means turning off your phone, TV, music, podcasts, or audio books. This might feel a little strange and maybe even a little scary at first, but the goal is to reconnect with yourself. This is the first place to start because you are the only expert who can tell you what matters to you.
- Track your reflections – Start asking the big questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What do I love? What do I believe in? etc. Sink into these questions. You may not know the answers to them right off the hop. You can try automatic writing in the morning or evening. Just let the ink flow into a journal or on a piece of paper. If a thought or idea spontaneously arrives while you are out and about, start a note in your phone’s notepad. The goal is to raise your awareness of thoughts, patterns, feelings or emotions that turn up in a given day, week, or month. Bonus: these notes can be a great resource to discuss in your individual therapy sessions if you currently visit a professional.
- Curate your inputs – Cut the fluff! This could pertain to your social media, what you eat or drink, the music you listen to, what you watch on TV, the books you read, the people you surround yourself with, your environment, and the list can go on. The goal is to pay attention to what you are consuming. Do these things provide value and feel good to you? Are they positive or negative experiences? Do you need to adjust anything or set up boundaries? It is up to you to decide whether it is working or not. If not, it could be time to move on and open up space for something new to come in that is more aligned.
- Start learning – The thought of learning again could put a bad taste in your mouth, especially if you felt external pressures to do education around something you thought you should, or perhaps, what you are currently doing doesn’t leave much space for anything else. The good news here is you can start small. Try making a list of topics you are interested in. With a simple browser search, you can start swapping out old content and start receiving new content, workshops, or finding continuing education courses that actually light you up. The goal here is to find inspiration and to see that there are others out there doing those exact things that you enjoy. That means, you can do it too!
- Show up and be present – Have you gotten in a groove where it’s easy to just fly low and do the status quo? As we pop back up to number two, this could be a great reflective question to ask why? As we continue on our path of deciphering what truly makes us tick, showing up and being present in the moment is important. People will begin to notice the shift and they will want to learn more about you and what you have to share – and with that, you can make some meaningful connections, such as new contacts or opportunities. The goal is to show up being yourself, just as you are, present and not thinking of what just happened or what’s next.
- Join a like-minded community – You have done the work, figured out what your passions and beliefs are, and now you are ready to find your people. Find a group you resonate with and think will be fun! Try looking at your network, finding groups online, meetups, community magazines or newspapers, through alumni, friends, or colleagues. The goal is to contribute your unique gifts to a group that you believe in and support its mission. The members will be so glad you joined, and this will certainly enhance your sense of belonging.
Side note: Number six was a big takeaway for me and what inspired me to join the Women in Leadership Foundation and other community of interest groups in my company. I have also joined groups that are aligned with my hobbies. I am passionate about uplifting, supporting, and empowering women in all aspects of life!
With consistency, the steps above will help you navigate a way to embody and support motions that truly matter to you.
International Women’s Day on March 8
As stated on the International Women’s Day website, International Women’s Day (IWD) is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women since 1911. Activity is witnessed worldwide as groups come together to celebrate women’s achievements or rally for women’s equality. The 2023 Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) campaign is called #EmbraceEquity which supports a vision of an inclusive world free of bias, stereotypes, and discrimination, no matter the gender. Everyone worldwide can acknowledge and celebrate IWD on March 8th throughout the entire year.
Join WIL Alberta’s next free virtual event: “Leading with Vulnerability and Authenticity”
Advancing women’s future is what inspires change. Join the Women in Leadership Foundation Alberta Chapter for a virtual event on March 8, 2023 at 4:00pm PST // 5:00pm MST // 7:00pm EST. WIL Alberta is spotlighting an inspirational local change-maker and leader, Lori James, Executive Director of the Making Changes Association.
Lori’s career journey has taken her from for-profit work, to launching her own coaching business, to non-profit management. Through some humbling mistakes, tough lessons about vulnerability, and some wonderful mentors and colleagues, Lori learned the value of stepping into her true self, finding her voice, and knowing that we all deserve to be heard and belong.
At Making Changes, Lori is grateful to help empower other women in a position she would never have considered dreaming about just a few years ago. Lori teaches us that we are all leaders, regardless of what our professional title says. Join our free virtual event to learn how to lead and thrive in all aspects of life with vulnerability and authenticity.
Keynote Speaker Bio: Lori James, Executive Director, Making Changes Association
With over 30 years of experience empowering teams, supporting clients, and generating results, Lori’s career focus has been on the value of relationship building – both internal and external relationships – and their impact on the bottom line.
Lori’s career journey has taken her from for-profit work in the business communications and training field, to launching her own personal coaching business, to working in non-profit organizations. Lori has spent the last 15 years in senior roles within non-profit organizations guiding and supporting strategic planning, program development, human resources, funding initiatives, and stakeholder engagement.
In October 2022, Lori joined the Making Changes Association as their Executive Director. The association has over 40 years of empowering women, those who identify as women, and teen girls – helping them reach their full potential. The alignment of Lori’s passions, and the vision and values of Making Changes, is an exciting chapter in Lori’s life – bringing her experience and life-long focus on people, full circle.
As a self admitted workaholic, Lori appreciates the patience of her husband Tim, and daughter Virginia, and the times they can get away for road trips and adventures with their dog Tux.
About the Author
Born and raised in Alberta, Karla Poznikoff works as a marketing leader at an international SaaS tech company and volunteers with WIL Alberta Chapter as the events director. She has over ten years experience in the agency, startup, and corporate landscape specializing in B2B communications, inbound/outbound marketing, and content lifecycle. The year 2020 led her to deep dive into learning about psychology, neuroplasticity, mindfulness, and mental health leading to the attainment of her Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) certification through the Mental Health Commission of Canada and starting her 200hr Meditation Teacher Training (MTT). Karla is motivated to find ways of integrating wellness into her marketing practice, the corporate workplace, and everyday life. You can find her immersed in nature in the Canadian Rocky Mountains, either paddle- or snowboarding depending on the season. She supports and advocates for communities regarding equality, belonging, mental health, wellness, and women in leadership.
Follow Karla on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/meetkarla/